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Newest Member: Sad189

Just Found Out :
Devastated and don't know what to do

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DobleTraicion ( member #78414) posted at 1:46 PM on Monday, October 5th, 2026

May I know if you've set boundaries, can you give the examples? I really can't really think clearly right now.

Have you read about the 180 in the healing library? It lines out keeping strong bounderies with the WS. One of tge things that you, and he, have to come to grips with is that he has proven himself to be an unsafe partner. Until such time as you can be assured that he has well and truly changed his life, the bounderies stay in place. Many have said that this is easier said than done (I am one of them), but I understand the necessity. The 180 is primarily for you to be able move forward with your own healing.

Currently, he sleeps in another room.. but I kinda miss him. I'm embarassed to feel this way. Please tell me I'm not crazy (crying).

Just because the head knows what needs to be done, the heart remembers. Deep emotional enmeshment doesnt just go away because you have decided a course of action that needs to take place in response to a traumatic event. You are dealing with both the trauma of the betrayal AND the void in your life that results. I can attest that the tsunami of emotions can be overwhelming. Cry when you need to but dont let it sweep you away in depression (thats why therapy is so important). Be aware too that anger will follow on the heals of this great sorrow, or so I have found.

"You'd figure that in modern times, people wouldn't feel the need to get married if they didn't agree with the agenda"

~ lascarx

posts: 661   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: South
id 8906907
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 BrokenInThousandPieces (original poster new member #87827) posted at 9:33 AM on Monday, November 2nd, 2026

[Update]

Is this strange?
It's been 8 weeks since D-Day. The first 3 weeks were sheer devastation, now at 8 weeks I feel like I don’t care sometimes. I might be numb, maybe blocking it out, maybe processing, I’m not sure, but sometimes I just love him and think "he’s only human and we all make mistakes". The real rage has never risen as I expected it to. Will it?

He’s doing everything right, very much so (so far), and he’s so remorseful.
Sometimes I just don’t care that he did it. I already feel like he wouldn’t do this again. He’s more horrified by his actions than even I am.
I don’t feel like punishing him, sometimes I feel sorry for him being so sad.

I don’t feel like I’m falling out of love, but maybe I am? He’s had such a crappy childhood, I can almost understand it sometimes.

Am I about to crash? I don’t trust how ok I feel sometimes.

We're trying to rebuild our marriage and so far has been good progress. He's willing to sit with my pain during triggers but still got defensive once in a while (not always).

I really don't know how to deal with my triggers. It's so overwhelming that I can't function most of the time. Any tips?

Thank you for your support. I've never feel so lonely.

DDay was 6 Sept 2026
Found out about WH's affair and sex addiction, all in one day...
My life will never be same...

posts: 8   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2026   ·   location: Indonesia
id 8908912
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