SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I just need to get it out. Today I was trying to find a photo of me with my three kiddos. I am sitting here sitting through years of memories and the wave came over me.

AP was a close family friend, for the past 5 years almost every holiday was spent with her and her family. The year I was pregnant with the twins we made a lot of memories, at their house, on their boat, at holiday parties, even my baby shower. After the babies were born that first year up until the ONS was spent heavily with AP and her family.

This is so fucking devastating and unfair. I feel like years of really good family memories, ones I would look at so fondly have been completely ripped from me. I love being a mom so much, I've always been so grateful for the title and have poured my all into giving my babies the best of me and giving them all the experiences. Now I look back and I break.

I'll never understand why her. I get it was a drunken and drug induced event, but I sometimes fantasize what if he had a ONS with a stranger at a bar... At least I wouldn't feel like I had years of moments stolen from me. I feel like my happiest moments have been completely changed and I don't know how to look back without thinking "here's the baby shower celebrating my boys, the woman who sucked their dad's c*** while we were sleeping inside at a Christmas party hosted it!"

Or "Remember your 6th birthday party? The one at "Aunts" house, you know the aunt that straddled your dad while picked up and passionately made out with while mom and you were sleeping?"

(She wasn't their actual aunt but we called her that for the past 5 years)

As a mom I feel so much pity for myself and my babes. I just wanted memories for my babies, I just wanted to look back at moments in time with fondness and be able to proudly talk about these big moments and milestones that make up my life and theirs... And they took that from us.

It feels so very isolating to have these feelings, the stress of looking back on these days as time goes by and realizing how much the woman who helped fracture my world was ingrained in it. It is so fucking unfair and unjust and it will never make sense to me what me or my babies did to deserve this.

Raven, I hear you !

My heart breaks for you and your situation.

Just take this horrific situation one moment at a time.

" one foot in front of the other and do the next right"

It does get better but slowly.

Sending virtual hugs and strength.

I feel like years of really good family memories, ones I would look at so fondly have been completely ripped from me.

Raven I really understood this as have had some of that experience too where a place and a set of memories ended up feeling contaminated afterwards.
In my case I destroyed the photos of myself in a holiday album because it later came out that the hotel and location had been recommended by the woman he was having the affair with - he only told me the truth 24 years later and it changed the meaning of that whole trip for me so I ended up defacing the album and writing on it that it was their holiday.So I really do understand what you mean about memories not feeling clean anymore and about later truth changing the meaning of moments you once thought belonged to you.
It is deeply unfair and none of you deserved that

It does get better but slowly

Thank you Dorothy123

I just hope one day I can look back and not feel immense heartbreak, especially when it comes to the first year of my twins life. I thought having twins would be so magical and WH was so excited so it's really a mindfuck that he did this when he did and with the person he did. It feels so all encompassing right now the pain of it all. I feel so robbed of my first year with my babies which was already hard enough. As soon as I started feeling like a functioning human again they did this to me. I'm so angry.

I destroyed the photos of myself in a holiday album because it later came out that the hotel and location had been recommended by the woman he was having the affair with

ButterflyInProgress I am so so sorry you have had to experience that especially so much later after it happened. I have deleted so many photos already but it makes my heart bleed thinking about all of those memories made with my babies in my first year of having them and the fact that because of their selfish disgusting act I've had to either accept the memories as AP being a part of them or try to remove them all together. I have to listen to my daughter ask to go to a pool party at aunties, or ask if we can have a boat day soon. Because of what they did she will never experience those things we did so regularly ever again. WH would always gush about how amazing the life is we are giving our kids and then he just went and destroyed it and it seems so unfair. It wasn't even worth it but here I am in the fallout having to be so strong for my kids and have to try to heal while being constantly reminded of the betrayal that ruined it all.