BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:13 PM on Wednesday, June 10th, 2026
Justice? The best revenge is a life well lived. Aim for giving yourself your best future. He has to live with himself and all his flaws. Let him run.
Focus on you and your future.
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 12:22 AM on Tuesday, September 15th, 2026
Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 33 years
Starant (original poster new member #87015) posted at 11:59 AM on Tuesday, September 15th, 2026
I guess i just want some reassurance that i made the right decision. Its been 3/4 months since my WH sent out his lawyer letter wanting property settlement basically saying he wasn’t going to reconcile and gave some pathetic excuse that he had a problem with lust. He told his dad and other he and AP just spoke here and there. Fast forward a month and i found that whole time they will still sleeping together and their relationship is a shit show. I saw him speaking to chatgpt saying how she’s playing him like a fool, sending nudes to others and whatever. During this period he put me through hell, threatening me with court, trying to pull my daughters school enrolment and so much stuff. I maintained no contact through all of this and used a lawyer for all communications.m. Fast forward to about a month ago, he started to try testing the waters with me again, putting old photos in my daughters bag, sending me emails and voicemails wanting to talk. I maintained no contact. At the same time he was still trying to intimidate me with court action over parenting time. Then last week sends a letter wanting to reconcile and says he is looking for spiritual answers, wants to go to therapy again and find a new job and i am apparently one in a million and be loves me. Is this person okay?? Like seriously?? I maintained no contact through that too because i believe a person who is genuine about change will do it regardless of me. I dont believe i should hold his hand through that change. And if he magically becomes a different person, I can at that stage make a decision on whether i want to communicate with him.
WoodThrush2 ( member #85057) posted at 12:32 PM on Tuesday, September 15th, 2026
He sounds dangerous.
There can be miracle cases, but you would have see consistent evidence over a very long time.
So sorry he has out you through all this. Sad. But you will rise.💪
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 12:53 PM on Tuesday, September 15th, 2026
I went through your earlier posts.
He’s done this before… This last update is basically the same status as in April…
Look – you have set your demands, including changing jobs.
If he truly has these feelings for you and truly values the marriage he will comply with your requirements. While he doesn’t… well… it’s April all again.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
Pogre ( member #86173) posted at 1:44 PM on Tuesday, September 15th, 2026
I agree with Bigger, and you said something I also agree with:
I maintained no contact through that too because i believe a person who is genuine about change will do it regardless of me. I dont believe i should hold his hand through that change. And if he magically becomes a different person, I can at that stage make a decision on whether i want to communicate with him.
Yes, but don't let a week or 3 of potential performance lull you back in. I'd want to see some long term, sustained effort before even considering giving him another chance. He's been far too wishy washy and frankly some of his excuses and actions don't exactly scream a willingness to make meaningful change.
Your use of the word "miracle" is appropriate for this situation. I think your instinct is right. I think you should remain hands off and let him figure this out on his own. Don't gloss over the fact that now that he realizes he's being dicked around by his AP he's having a sudden change of heart. That's not what I'd want to see as far as proper inspiration to be doing what a decent human being would do just because it's the right thing to do. Not because his plan A isn't working out for him.
I think you should stay the course and let your country's legal system do its thing. Keep no contact and continue communication through your lawyers and family/in laws like you've been doing.
Where am I going... and why am I in this handbasket?
Letmebefrank ( member #86994) posted at 2:17 PM on Tuesday, September 15th, 2026
I would stay NC with him because he sounds both desperate and manipulative. Like Bigger and Pogre said, let him find a way to PROVE to you he’s changed, you do not need to sit through therapy and listen to him blither about his spiritual healing or whatever.
Starant (original poster new member #87015) posted at 1:52 AM on Wednesday, September 16th, 2026
Thanks everyone. I have little moments where i doubt myself. But i can see things so much clearer now. If he wrote me this letter 1 or 2 months in, i would have fallen for it and found myself in the same situation of broken promises and unwillingness to change. But the distance and his behaviour has helped me see his patterns and not make excuses for him because i was emotionally tied. I kept a journal to remind me of what was happening and clearly see reality. Its still sad realising your family is broken. But i can also see how he was psychologically abusing me. Some times i wish i could call AP and tell her he’s been selling me this "i love you" crap while he is playing you. What a disgusting human being.
