SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The trauma of betrayal can drive a person to places they never imagined they would go.

To sedatives, just to surrender to sleep.
To alcohol or drugs, just to numb the ache, even for a while.
To self-harm, to trade emotional pain for something visible, something the mind can momentarily understand.
To relentless exercise, constant movement, endless work, anything to keep the thoughts from catching up.

I never truly understood why people did these things until now.

Did any of it cross my mind? Yes.

But I did not give in. I understood those things were only band-aids. What I needed was to suture the wounds.

And so I turned inward.

I tried to understand the why beneath the pain. I journaled aggressively. I read, I learned, I searched for every possible way to quiet the mind, rewire the system and reprogramme the brain. I taught myself how to empty my head, delete and reject downloads. I sought counselling. I wanted to understand why I was feeling this so deeply when I knew, without question, that I did not want him back or anywhere near me. My body knew he longer belonged, but my mind was still living in the habit of us.

None of it has been easy. Six months in as I write this and I am still struggling, but every day, I am winning in some way. Some days the victory is clear, almost sweet in its certainty. Other days, it is harder to recognise. Some days, simply getting through the day without caving in is the win.

What I know now is that I understand more than I did before. I empathise more deeply. I see people, and pain, differently. I see myself differently.

I recognise now the extraordinary willpower it takes not to reach for help in a bottle, a pill or something sharp. The strength it takes to sit with the chaos rather than silence it.

And maybe, when I finally make it out, I can be there for others still trapped in this terrible gorge of confusion, anger, fear, loneliness and hurt.

Maybe I can reach back.
Maybe I can help pull them over too.

Rising, I hear you !

No one can truly understand the pain of betrayal unless they are infidelity survivor.

The trauma your facing is deep.

Good job for not giving into those destructive thought.

Hang in there.

Keep fighting the good fight.

It does get better but slowly

Sending virtual hugs and strength

Some days, simply getting through the day without caving in is the win.

I think betrayal gives you a very different understanding of how close people can come to the edge internally while still appearing to function on the outside.
In my own way I have felt some of that too where the victory is not something dramatic but simply getting through the day and holding onto yourself - and what you said about wanting one day to reach back for others was very moving.

Thank you Dorothy and Butterfly.

I has taken me a long while to openly talk about what I had gone through in my marriage before the betrayal - I use to think words like emotional and phycological abuse were too extreme and I tried to soften it, but I have sat in silence long enough to be brave enough to name them and recognise all the signs.

I am grateful for this safe space to express myself, my stories and just be.

So thank you for your strength and hugs, and I return then with care.

You are heard and understood. This is the storm, you are experiencing it. It is changing you. You will grow. May I offer that through my devestation, I drew closer to God than ever, sought Him for comfort and meaning. And He showed. What helped me very much was daily praying through the Psalms. Like not just reading them. But looking deeply at each phrase to understand what it mean about God. You see, when you realize that God Himself gave us His word so we could know Him, then many more doors open up for us to understand what He trying show us.

May I suggest Psalm 25 to you. It says so much about how He cares and will work for you. Peace. ✌️❤️

Very well written post.

Trauma is often the catalyst for so many things people do that often lead them to the path of self destruction.

I worked with someone for decades that is a textbook trauma driven life. Refuses to get help. Lives a life of chaos. Doesn’t drink or do drugs but has an eating disorder. Hates everyone. People are "stupid". You get the idea.

And if things are going well, they just have to create drama because that is their comfort zone. It starts to become a very predictable cycle.

This is the weird silver lining of infidelity. We BS can rise from it and grow from it. It changes us in ways we don’t want, but if we allow it, it can help us grow in to much kinder, more empathetic, wiser people. People who no longer judge any book by its cover, who understand that we in fact DO NOT UNDERSTAND things that we have not ourselves experienced. That we have no idea what others are going through or what their experiences have cost them. We spend time looking inward that we never would have done before DDAY. It is a weird unexpected and unwelcome gift, but perhaps a gift all the same, if we let it be one.

I turned to self harm and alcohol for a while, then medication for a bit. Worked my way out of those, but to me it takes what it takes to get through. I also was dealing with the wildfires and loss of my job, but others have dealt with even more. AS LONG AS WE GET THROUGH and don’t hurt anyone else along the way.

I hope other BS take the opportunity in IC to become the best version of themselves. And I stay around SI because some people here really helped me through my darkest moments, made me feel heard. I hope you can and will do the same if you are able.