SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I was blindsided by two things lately.

I had to put down our 11 year old Pug Jeeves after a 3 day struggle and sudden health diagnosis that went south quickly. This was on Friday, and my daughter is not doing well over it. He was her constant companion and we were all there with him in the end. I let my Ex know about the dog in a text, and he gave a one sentence reply of him being a good dog. He doesn't call his daughter at all or console her in any fashion.

Later that evening my Ex calls ( We work together in our old business he owns) and lets me know he's having a "holiday gathering" at the restaurant in the small town I live in, the one I asked him not to go to with his playdates. He lives an hour from here but some of his staff live near me.

He informs me of the dinner for staff, and then casually throws it in there that "Tina might attend, but she's been sick". That did it for me. I blew up and unleased the hounds from hell. I was triggered horribly, and I was hurting from the dog, still fresh from hours before. I would have liked to attend with the people I work with, but this would have been beyond uncomfortable. What would I do there, sit and try not to look at them?

Part of my verbal assault was toward her and what a loser she is and why he's with someone like her. I told him he has commitment issues and he instantly went to how he would have married XXX but she was a snake. She was a Barbie, high maintenance woman with expensive taste. That one didn't know a real thing about him, he hid his true self well. He didn't mention Tina, wanting to marry her, which was telling. He said he decided to no longer focus on looks but personality. He's probably an upgrade for her, considering she looks like 100 miles of hard road, is 10 years younger, than both of us but looks older and was a former meth dealer/user. He stated she has a good personality, and she doesn't argue with him. He told me he'll get a gift card and I can go with my family to eat later. My daughters bf and my son work with him lately and he didn't call them to invite, but they received a group text from one of the workers.

I can tell you how it would have unfolded. I'd have sat as far away as I could. They would sit together. SHE would want to show that he's hers, and would be showing displays of affection to show me. All it would take is a sideways glance, a stupid comment or the wind to blow the wrong way and it would become a Jerry Springer episode. Some of the staff know our history, some are new and might blunder into conversation that would cause me distress.

Why is the hell would he invite his live in gf to his staff event? She lives with him, sees him daily, why couldn't she sit this ONE event out so I can attend? He knows I want no contact with her and won't attend anything with her there. At the end of our conversation he says "I sure hope your attitude improves over time". I asked if he was talking about Tina, and he said yes.

I informed him my opinion will stay the same, and I want nothing to do with her ever.

If he ever tries to fire me, because I don't want to hire her, work with her, or engage with her I will toast marshmallows on the lawsuit I'll file against him. She's part of his circus and not part of mine and she isn't my family. Not my problem, and no law says I have to be nice to her or be her friend.

**Background, he's dated and made me work with the woman he left me for and married, only knowing her 14 days after a previous affair 6 weeks prior and then he sued me and lost. I helped him divorce her, took him back for 2 years, he bailed again and she and I became friendly after 5 years. He's dated and made me work with several women, and is part of a sexual harassment from one of his workers he had an encounter with once. This is the trauma, and my income is tied to the same business.**

Why live with this drama and reliving trauma? Can you arrange a buyout?

I'm really sorry for your loss or Jeeves.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:42 PM, Monday, December 15th]

sisoon ( moderator) posted at 12:41 PM on Monday, December 15th, 2025
Why live with this drama and reliving trauma? Can you arrange a buyout?

I'm really sorry for your loss or Jeeves.

He is the owner. I received a buyout during our divorce. I was a SAHM and gave up my career 20+ years ago. I make more staying than I could make elsewhere, and I have no real SSN as I supported his career over my own. I live in a small town. I'm 62, playing catch up on retirement and didn't abandon my family in the process. We have adult kids that can't afford to live separate and they are all home with me. They help cover their own expenses as much as they can. It takes all my income just to survive, as I also have a car payment. The house is paid off and that's the only saving grace. Cost of living keeps going up.

If I could make enough I wouldn't work for him. Sadly all sustainable financial paths require staying put or not having enough money.

Ugh, Muggle, I'm so sorry for what you have to put up with. He's a terrible person in every way and clearly doesn't care about anybody's feelings except his own. I could totally see my stbx making pouty faces and blame-shifting the same way in a situation like this. So inconsiderate!

Your post practically gave me a nervous breakdown because it flooded back a memory. But first, I am genuinly deeply sorry for your loss of Jeeves. When I met my husband he had the most wonderful dog "Jimmy". We eventually owned a bed and breakfast and all of the guests adored Jimmy and wrote about it in our guest register. But when he left me for the OW he left behind not just me, but his daughter and Jimmy.

About 5 months after I filed for divorce, Jimmy was dying. I called him and invited him to say goodbye. We waited 4 hours after he said he'd be there, as we tried to comfort Jimmy before he had to be put down. Four hours of needless suffering, because his OW was intimidated that he was going to come to my house. Her feelings were much more important than this wonderful dog that had been with him since he was a puppy. That moment cemented that I was right in filing or divorce.

I cannot imagine that you have to face seeing this sorry excuse for a man because of financial concerns, but it's your reality and I'm so sorry for you. The "Norma Rae" in me wants to tell you to show up and be fearless in the face of this loser woman. But realistically it would be spending minutes of your precious life in a place you don't want to be. If you love the coworkers a lot, go for it. But if not, don't waste your time playing a useless emotional chess game with the loser that he is. Stay home and honor Jeeves.

I will keep you in my prayers. Sometimes God works things out in ways you never expect, and I suspect Jeeves is an advocate for you. He knew who had his back. I ended up way better off than anyone ever expected with none of his money, and he died 2 years ago almost bankrupt. I on the other hand ended up being the Finance Director for 24 years in the city he left me from. I sometimes think Jimmy had a lot to do with that.

Peace to you during this Christmas Season.

Thank you for the kind words, especially Charity411.

I found a paycheck for his girlfriend for 50 hours of "work" when reconciling checks today, as well as a $2500 bonus for one of the other employees. Almost everyone has been given a bonus, but I'm the exception, nothing for me. His girlfriend isn't on the books, didn't clock in and he said she earned the hours and he has witnesses. I told him she has no employment documents on file and asked if she lost her job. There's no way she worked full time at her warehouse job, then worked another 50 hours in two weeks. Afterward he forced me to hire her.

I calmly told him it hurts me in a text when he hires women he's romantically involved with and she's the second one this year. His response was to call me and inform me that he got the business and I got the house and he makes the decisions on the business. I told him there are hundreds of people he could hire, why does he need to hire all of the women he dates that it makes it very uncomfortable for me.

At that point it was civil, until he launched off for no reason into the past, which had zero to do with what we were discussing and went on a vile tirade about how I "stole his house", and variations of how I "robbed him of his house". He then followed it up by calling me a bitch. I told him talking to me like that was inappropriate and I'm done talking, and hung up. He called and I refused to answer. I text him after calling me a bit** he could text anything he needed that I won't take his call.

Right after that I finished what I was working on, clocked out and told my co-worker that I'm done for the day. Crickets from him since.

Play stupid games (infidelity) win stupid prizes. They never acknowledge that their actions are what caused it all. They aren't sorry when doing it, they're sorry they got caught and it cost them. Especially when the fantasy didn't pan out the way they thought it would.