[Update]
Is this strange?
It's been 8 weeks since D-Day. The first 3 weeks were sheer devastation, now at 8 weeks I feel like I don’t care sometimes. I might be numb, maybe blocking it out, maybe processing, I’m not sure, but sometimes I just love him and think "he’s only human and we all make mistakes". The real rage has never risen as I expected it to. Will it?
He’s doing everything right, very much so (so far), and he’s so remorseful.
Sometimes I just don’t care that he did it. I already feel like he wouldn’t do this again. He’s more horrified by his actions than even I am.
I don’t feel like punishing him, sometimes I feel sorry for him being so sad.
I don’t feel like I’m falling out of love, but maybe I am? He’s had such a crappy childhood, I can almost understand it sometimes.
Am I about to crash? I don’t trust how ok I feel sometimes.
We're trying to rebuild our marriage and so far has been good progress. He's willing to sit with my pain during triggers but still got defensive once in a while (not always).
I really don't know how to deal with my triggers. It's so overwhelming that I can't function most of the time. Any tips?
Thank you for your support. I've never feel so lonely.