SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You’ve probably read my story, anyway I need someone to think out of the box for me.

I’ve been asking Ex-partner to move out because I can’t forgive and forget what’s happened. And his lack of accountability to be honest to. Him wanting to rug sweep. I’ve told him multiple times and for weeks just go back to the other woman. Because you ruined our lives for it you may aswell continue.

Now financially he can’t get a place, in a few months yes but right now no. His options are to go to Bil but environment is drink fuelled so not ideal. Or to actually go back to OW.

I feel that the fact that he has considered going back to the OW is in fact proof that there’s something still there. Or am I over thinking it all? Because in my head he should be saying no there’s nothing for me and OW I’m not interested?

He has said that if I don’t want a relationship with him and want him to leave. If he goes back to OW shouldn’t concern me because I want him gone. Which this statement I agree with and know I can’t dictate where he goes but feel this is showing that there’s still feelings involved with the OW for it to even be an option.

Or I am seeing this totally wrong? How do interpret this?

Well, you’re kicking him out, he can’t afford his own place, BIL is no good.

Sounds like OW is his only option. (Or the street)

Not sure you should make too much of his taking the only option he has.

Or, can you forgive and forget? What does he need to do?

Best wishes.

I think I understand that gut feeling you describe where his first voiced option is the OW and if it was over, that would NOT have come out his mouth. Instead, he could have said, "I'll check into where I can park my car overnight and live in it." If he were that respectful and considerate of you, You wouldn't have sent him packing, right?! So, yes I do understand that nagging question you're asking, "is it still going on?"

On the other hand, having a WH who also clings to rug-sweeping and passive-aggressive digs, it could also be true that it IS over, and it was just a dig to hurt you in a tender spot that you react to quickly and easily with him.

Let's face it though, once we choose to move on and push them away, there WILL eventually BE a OW. That is the reality, and you already noted that you recognize you have no control over that choice he makes.

Here's where I would focus less on the words coming out of his mouth (bait) and more on what he actually does. They lie. That's why we hurt so badly. Accepting that we will likely never really know the whole truth is very difficult. There is no justice in our suffering, is there? If when he leaves he goes to the OW... we'll, THEN, you know. Why stress now?

Hang in there!

The beauty of taking the trash out is that in which landfill it ends up is not your problem.

From what you described, I don't think he has feelings for anyone except himself. He's a parasite who goes from one host to another.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 9:26 PM, Monday, March 30th]

Don’t be an option, be a choice. Let him go. If he had the money he would be long gone. You need to see the back of him so you can grieve and then move on. Right now you are in limbo.