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So I’m 4 years and 4 months post DDay. My WW and I are about to sign dissolution papers next week and end this shitshow called a marriage. She simply can’t, or won’t do the work. Reflecting back on our marriage with the rose colored glasses removed I now see a different t marriage. 7 years into our marriage she was secretly chatting with an old boyfriend and excited about it. Just 10 years ago she was messaging an old classmate and telling him some marital problems. I discovered that one when I was in detective mode after discovering g her affair with a friend. Who knows who else she’d chatted with. Don’t really care now as I am moving on and happy about it.
But to the point of this post. Two days ago I had a call come in from her AP, I bumped him to voicemail. He left a message asking if I’d call him when I had a chance. I have not, don’t care to. He has nothing to say that I want to hear. He lives in the small town I grew up in. He runs the funeral home in our little town of 1200 people and I’m trying to figure out the purpose of his call. He has either caught wind of the fact that his affair with my wife has broken up our marriage and he wants to save face and try to apologize, OR, since I was born in this town, and am a well respected member of our little community and well liked and respected by so many, he is now feeling the heat of being one of the parties of breaking up my family. He may be fearing losing business. Well, isn’t that a consequence of shitting in your own back yard. I’m about 10% temped to call him back but honestly, I don’t want to give the POS the time.

This is the the call I continue to wait to receive. Wow. I can’t believe he called you. What is the backstory? Had you called him back in the day and you never replied or did you just never try to make contact? Are you going to tell your soon to be ex?

I called the coward hours after I found out about him and my wife. The POS cried on the phone saying he was sorry and he envied the relationship I had with my wife. I think he’s a player but the term coward most certainly applies.

You can rest assured it's not for your benefit. I recall at one point he attempted to send work your way, so this is probably an extension of this pathetic ass trying to somehow save face with you. I suspect he'll want to feel you out for how you plan to tell people about the divorce and to offer you some kind of deal or plead with you to leave him out of it. Fuck him. He's a self-serving troll. Let him worry. Salt the earth in every community he's a part of. Drop the mic on him.

What's interesting is how he found out. You think your WW ran to him?

[This message edited by 1994 at 10:42 PM, Friday, August 1st]

I don’t think my WW contacted him. He is also a home painter and works for a home builder that my wife’s father taught to build homes. My wife’s father passed before we met and when we got married she asked the home builder if he’d walk her down the aisle. A month ago, I told the home builder that we were getting g divorced and I told him who the AP was. He was not thrilled as they were friends. I’d guess that the builder let asshole know how he now feels about him. I hold the home builder in high regard and since he walked my wife down the aisle. I wanted him to hear about our split from me and not through the grapevine. He thanked me for letting him know personally.

I really don’t know what I would do if I got that call. If you believe you can emotionally handle it, then go with whatever seems best to you.

Why don't you block the number? Then you can say you didn't get the message because the number is blocked.

Reach out if you want but don't feel obligated.

but honestly, I don’t want to give the POS the time.

Then don't. You seem content on the path that you are currently on.

I would call him just to say absolutely terrible things—things I really shouldn't write down. My words would be along the lines of, "If you want redemption, I know about a really tall building."

I said similar things to my former best friend when my situation came out, and my threats got the police involved and eventually made him move away and stop frequenting places we'd all hang out. I have zero regrets. The satisfaction of putting the fear of God into someone who considered himself so tough was glorious. Mr tough guy had to pack up and leave albeit with my ex was well worth a casual chat with a nice police officer.

I'm not a Christian, so I don't really believe in redemption or forgiveness. While this is something I would do, I can't directly recommend it to others.

[This message edited by DRSOOLERS at 11:48 AM, Saturday, August 2nd]

I'm sure it's no coincidence that this guy pops up not long after you make the decision to D.
He's a coward who knows questions will be asked about what caused this divorce when it becomes
wider public knowledge in your community, and he wants to save face. This call and his desire
to talk is simply for his benefit, not yours. Any words he wants to vomit into your ears are
not worth hearing. Your marriage is ending, and anything this man has to say about his participation
in the destruction of it no longer matters. Think of this as the devil trying to distract your energy
and attention from what's important, which is building a happier and more peaceful life for yourself.

Best of luck to you